Tragedies happen all the time. It's common to hear the most horrific or heart wrenching stories on the news or an email. Those stories bring sorrow to the door, but it's abstract and ephemeral. While second hand stories dent our reality with a sense of heartache, it doesn't impact our lives with the consequences that tragedy brings.
When tragedy hits, it changes your life. As a pastor, I've dealt with the problem of suffering theologically, philosophically, and personally. No one can escape the problem of evil in the world, and everyone has to figure out an answer whether you believe in Jesus Christ or not. It's not a question I take lightly nor does it have a simple answer. However, I thought I was prepared to handle horrible news that impacted my life: terminal illness, car wrecks, physical pain, and even death. But I was wrong.
Two years ago, I received a call after 11 am that a close friend of mine killed himself, violently.
I could tell you a thousand memories of Mark Reckman, but I need him to tell the thousand that I can’t remember. That scar never leaves. I miss him; I miss my friend.
There’s no easy answer to suffering, and grieving Reckman’s death continues for me and so many other people that loved him. Even in the midst of sadness and grief, I know God wasn’t absent on December 19, 2009. That doesn’t mean I didn’t question God; not that I questioned His existence. Rather, why did this happen? Where was God? Anyone who says you’re not supposed to question God hasn’t read the Bible. People questioned God through their darkest days and worst moments. Even when people lacked faith and irreverently questioned God, God was gracious in His listening and His answer.
O LORD, God of my salvation;
I cry out day and night before you.
Let my prayer come before you;
incline your ear to my cry!
(v1-2)
But I, O LORD, cry to you;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
O LORD, why do you cast my soul away?
Why do you hide your face from me?
Afflicted and close to death from my youth up,
I suffer your terrors; I am helpless.
Your wrath has swept over me;
your dreadful assaults destroy me.
They surround me like a flood all day long;
they close in on me together.
You have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me;
my companions have become darkness.
(Psalm 88:13-18)
This psalm ends with little hope because Scripture shows us not only God’s truth but the experiences of the soul. This guy from Psalm 88 is hurting and questions where God is, His grace, and His intervention. At the end, there’s no answer. This Psalm shows us that people throughout history have experienced great pain and loss. In those dark times, God wants us to know that He is with us and hasn’t left us. The greatest hope that we have doesn’t come from a direct answer now, but from the answer that’s already come.
Jesus is our answer for God’s love. Through His life, death, and resurrection I have hope for a new day where God rights every wrong that ever happened. That’s redemption! Jesus experienced pain and suffering. When He was on the cross, Jesus felt abandoned, and He was abandoned. That’s not the end of the story. Through His pain and suffering, Jesus offers new life through the forgiveness of sins. Jesus brings hope to a hopeless situation. There may be many times that we don’t experience answers to our questions and cry through the night. God hasn’t left us without hope. This truth doesn’t remove my sadness for Mark, but I trust in the “Lord, the God of my salvation.” One day Jesus will remove the sadness from my life and heal the scar on my heart.
In May 2009, I visited Mark in Cincinnati. Mark thought it was a great opportunity to have a party, and he did not disappoint. When most everyone had gone home and a few people were left, the Phish song Prince Caspian came on. We always enjoyed a little karaoke, (not that people listening enjoyed it) and we let it out.
I love that memory, and I love my friend.
Oh to be Prince Caspian afloat upon the waves.
Oh to be Prince Caspian afloat upon the waves.
Oh to be Prince Caspian
so far away.
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